i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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