dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
