sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
