Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize