i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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