So drunk its hurt
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize