y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
