I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
