office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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