the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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