God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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