You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
