I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you win again, gameday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
