His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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