She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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