Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
