umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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