I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
