dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
