then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
