White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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