Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
