I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
