Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You took a bar mat shot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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