So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
