she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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