i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
