it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My feet surprised me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
