Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
