just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
