Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
