Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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