im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
