drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
