hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
