If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
