Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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