i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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