im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
