$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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