Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
