Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
