maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize