shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize