So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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