you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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