My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
