I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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