I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
