my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize