Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
