You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
