Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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