he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
