your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
