I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
