I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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