I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize