is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
only if we run a train.
done.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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