dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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