The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm at about main and main street
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
