I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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