Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
