Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
