Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
