we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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